Important advice from CNN.com

And I quote: "It is best not to swat at the fly's starting position, but rather to aim a bit forward of that to anticipate where the fly is going to jump when it first sees your swatter"

This is critical. New studies show that flies are really good at not getting swatted.

Here's the link:
http://www.cnn.com/2008/TECH/science/08/29/fly.swat.threat/index.html

Must be a slow news day or something...

Up in your space station shardin ur purplz

Yup. Somebody on the spacestation plays wow and brought sex leg up to the station with them. Either that or not.

Here's the link:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/digitallife/main.jhtml?xml=/connected/2008/08/27/dlvirus127.xml

Pretty hilarious either way that Nasa doesn't run a screen for this sort of thing on laptops before they get brought up to the station... I mean, these guys are bringing their personal computers up to the space station? I wouldn't be surprised if in a hidden folder, or an external hard drive, you found this guy's copy of wow.

I'm sure he would say, "I knew I wouldn't get to play it up there but I didn't want to have to re-install when I got back..." or "I just wanted to check on my auctions"

I'm too fat... again

Here's sort of a follow up for the "I'm too fat to be executed article" I linked a while back. Here in the trial of a dead toddler the aunt/babysitter is trying to get off the hook because shes too fat to be able to kill the toddler, at least according to her lawyer.

Of course, they don't want to rule out that despite not being able to flair her arms she may have rolled onto him...

Here's the link:
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,411301,00.html

My favorite part: The court agreed not to jail her provided she wears a GPS tracking unit until her trial. She weighs 1000lbs, I don't think she is going anywhere

Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks your cellphone

Thats right, Chuck Norris will soon have his own cell phone game. Its too hilarious not to post about. The two main villains are Fidel Castro and Kim Jong-il. Awesome.

Here's the link:
http://kotaku.com/5042261/chuck-norris-brings-the-pain-to-cell-phones

As one commentor pointed out, this is a couple of years too late for the main wave of Chuck Norris jokes, however those jokes are filtering down to the kids these days. My two cousins (10, 13) are in a Chuck joke phase right now, and it is pretty hilarious.



Edit: They found video of the game! It has no sound but it does include Chuck throwing guys at the screen (ala Turtles in Time), Chuck leaping onto the back of a moving semi with his motorcycle, and stopping a helicopter with his bare hands. Awesome.

You say tornado, I say holy shit its a tornado!

Pretty sweet video of a tornado forming

In-Game personality?

Here's an interesting article from Wired about how in-game this guy is a douchebag. Well, theres more to it than that. Basically, it starts to break down how in-game you are experiencing life from a different perspective and all that goodness.

Here's the link:
http://www.wired.com/gaming/gamingreviews/commentary/games/2008/08/gamesfrontiers_0825

It's two pages long, and the second page was definately more interesting. It's definately got some good WoW-job-application-joke-goodness. It also makes me wonder what type of gamer I am...well, I already know and this is where I will tell you.

Firstly, in racing games I am much like him. I don't want realism, if I did I would drive a car (and have a license to do it). I much prefer arcade style crash and slam racing.

What about FPS? I don't want non-realism, but I don't really care about story. I don't like a game where I have to spend the whole time trying to find where to go and where to kill more baddies. That sort of difficulty is not interesting to me. I like difficulty like rooms full of chainsaw wielding dinosaurs from outerspace that will kill you 50 times in a row.

MMOs? Although I definately like a soloable class similar to the writer of said article, I do enjoy adventuring with my friends. I definately find myself more along the explorer stereotype than socializer, fighter or i forget what the fourth one was. I definately am not a douchebag in-game though, I got that out of my system when I was younger and MMO's allowed you to be a douchebag on a grandeur scale (chest stealing and scamming ftw)

Sandbox games like GTA tho, I find myself as pretty much aimlessly wandering. I am not very compelled by missions but I do enjoy just existing in a world with no consequences.

I leave it up to you to decide what all this means about my personality, etc.

The Christian church is full of contradiction...

Tell me something I didn't already know... although I'm not a Christian so it is easy for me to accept things that would be much harder for a Christian to accept. With that said, if the information presented in the article is true then it would be nearly impossible for Christians to denounce gay marriage anymore (I say nearly because I know they will continue to cover their ears and close their eyes).

Here's the link:
http://www.colfaxrecord.com/detail/91429.html

Basically, there are well documented instances of gay and lesbian Christian marriages way back in the day, and even two gay saints. I really look forward to hearing the church talk its way out this one.

Hey man, I think it's gross too (well, some lesbians are hot) but that doesn't mean they shouldn't have the same rights as everyone else and if these rights were recognized over a thousand years ago there is no reason they should not be recognized now.

Poll Results: If my turd ran amok it would...

1: Smash through Tokyo battling Mothra
0: Clog the shit out of my toilet
0: Destroy any and all giant turd exhibits in Switzerland
0: Go and hump a fake dog turd factory

Well, personally I would love it if my turds ran amok in tokyo but mostly they just clog the toilet.

This poll was inspired by the previous post:
http://bobexplainsreality.blogspot.com/2008/08/complex-shit-giant-turd-runs-amok-in.html

FFXI sucks for 18 hours straight

Well, technically it's been sucking since it came out, but this article explains how a raid group fought a boss for 18 hours and were unable to defeat it.

Here's the link:
http://videogames.yahoo.com/feature/new-game-enemy-takes-a-solid-day-to-defeat/1238418

Pretty stupid, and anybody that has played both WoW and FFXI knows that FFXI can't hold a candle to wow. FFXI is a huge grind, with severe penalties, a horrible UI and retarded players (although WoW has retarded players too).

I mean, ask yourself, what kind of shitty boss will fight with a raid group for 18 hours not die but also not kill any of them? One in FFXI thats how. We've definately spent a lot of time fighting a boss, but usually over and over getting our asses kicked while learning how the encounter goes.

Anyways, don't play FFXI

Grandma pwns theif

Here's one I got from Fark. If you don't read Fark, or missed it, its hilarious. A theif breaks into an elderly woman's house but she manages to get the jump on him with her gun and then makes him call 911 on himself.

Here's the link:
http://www.wpxi.com/news/17223812/detail.html

As fark said, this is some epic pwnage. I think the lesson is don't underestimate my grandma, punk!

Whoever said guns weren't funny has just been proven completely wrong.

Beirut: It's my job to get drunk

These guys aren't very good speakers and do a pretty horrible job of justifying Beirut (although they hit the main points)... but it sure sounds like they are pretty good at Beirut. However, what makes it noteworthy is that its on Time.com

Here's the link:
http://link.brightcove.com/services/link/bcpid1485842900/bctid1717896427

Although I guess Time.com won't let me embed the video, so you'll just have to click.

Complex Shit: Giant turd runs amok in museum

Sorry, the actual title of the article is "Giant dog turd wreaks havock in Swiss museum"... it was good enough but I didn't want to steal their turd-thunder. And the name of the exhibit? Complex Shit. LOL

Anyways, it's true. A museum exhibit of a giant inflatible turd (which is already hilarious) got caught in some wind (despite an automatic safety deflate system) and managed to smash into someones house. Somebody's turd is always on the wind :P

Here's the link:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2008/aug/12/3

There is no picture in that link, but you can see on here:
http://www.paulkleezentrum.ch/ww/en/pub/web_root/pro/wechselausstellungen/der_vorgarten.cfm

This whole things stinks of stupidity... what the hell passes for a museum exhibit these days? I mean, I pee'd in the snow one time, can I put it on display?

I just imagine the insurance call... "Yah, hi, we're in some deep shit here (giggle)... a giant turd just smashed into my house."

Wiggum: "Yah right lady, an elephant just ran through my yard. Yah right, armed robbery in progress, officer down. Can't people take the law into their own hands in this town?"

I laugh while you crap your pants (and then I laugh harder)

This article is about a gene that scientists believe is related to how well you control your emotions, and thus whether you are one of those scary movie people or what.

Here's the link:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2535221/Horror-film-gene-that-makes-some-scream-while-others-laugh.html

People who have 2 copies of the gene as opposed to 1 are more likely to be scared easily. Apparently since we suck at fighting (compared to our ape ancestors, although i'd kick their ass at soul calibur) so this evolved to convince us to run away and hide until all our buddies showed up to stomp some fool (im talking about historically, not last week, son).

But, more importantly, you fools are NEVER aloud to tell me to stop laughing at stupid scenes in horror movies EVER again because it will be discrimination. I can't help it, its in my genes. Also in my genes is the desire to throw popcorn at you. With extra butter.

The biggest pimp in Africa!

This man has 86 wifes. Nuff said. In fact, even his wives believe in his pimpness. And I quote "When you marry a man with 86 wives you know he knows how to look after them "

Here's the link:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/7547148.stm

He is such the man that these women come looking for him asking to marry into his troop which consists of 86 wives and at least 170 children. In america he'd probably be on trial for bigamy. In soviet russia bigamy is awesome.

I don't know what else to say except "nice hat, dude"

New Zealand is full of morons

I know this is a little behind the times, but there were other better articles to talk about. Anyways, here's the one about the New Zealanders who tried to name their kid "Talula does the Hula" - I mean, are you fucking retarded? Why can't you just name her Talula and attempt to instill a strong passion for the Hula in her.

I just don't get some people, growing up is hard enough, don't ruin your kid's chance at normality just because she's already smarter than you the day she came out of the womb.

Here's the link:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25827708/?GT1=43001

Personally, I would have loved if this judge had been one of those new age crazy punishment judges who said, "Ok, you can name your child Talula does the Hula if you legally change your name to 'Bitch with jock itch' and your husband changed his name to 'Enis with small penis' (or 'Rick with a small dick')" Then I would imagine these people would think twice about ruining their kid's life.

In fact, this type of punishment/requirement should be retroactively imposed on the people who were not stopped from naming their kids retarded things, and I quote:

"Registration officials blocked some names, including Fish and Chips, Yeah Detroit, Keenan Got Lucy and Sex Fruit, he said. But others were allowed, including Number 16 Bus Shelter "and tragically, Violence," he said."

What pedophile name's their infant Sex Fruit? And why haven't they been shot.

LHC Cern thing

Here's something thats been on my radar for a while, a giant hadron collider (whatever that means). It cropped up because it has the theoretical possibility of creating small black holes, and also other crazy things I don't quite understand. Somebody suggested it my start a Half-Life game in real life situation, as I think thats what originally happened in black mesa, I dont know, I don't pay that close attention to game storylines :P

Here's the main site:
http://public.web.cern.ch/Public/Welcome.html

And here's a PopularMechanic's article about how it's not going to kill us all.
http://www.popularmechanics.com/science/extreme_machines/4276847.html

As you might notice, they are firing this thing up on September 10th... thats better than waiting til Dec 21 2012, right? But, so if the world ends on september 11th, you'll know who it was this time... unless we are all dead from the test run.

Also, if you want to find out a bit more about what the thing does, here's a hilariously lame video the scientists made... yes it is a rap about science... awesome :P



I figured it's better to destroy the world in the name of science than in the name of war, but thats just me.

I'm too fat to die!

To fat to be executed? What a joke. This article is about a death row inmate who claims he's too fat to be killed because they won't be able to find his veins and he may end up dying an "excrutiating death." Well, my philosophy in this situation would be to go to the victims. The two women he raped back in '86 should get to choose how he dies, I mean, he got to choose how they'd be screwed up the rest of their lives.

Here's the link:
http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/08/04/death.penalty.fat.ap/index.html

And I'm too lazy to go to work, but that doesn't stop the bills from coming in. I have such a hard time with stories like this, just take him out back and put a bullet in him, he's a death row inmate, I don't see why we are concerned at all. I mean, whats the worse that could happen, he might die?

Edit: I'm also too lazy to wipe my ass, thus:
http://gizmodo.com/5033207/pedal+powered-toilet+paper+wiper-brings-both-laziness-and-exercise-to-the-bathroom

Cracked does it again

I'm really becoming a big fan of cracked. They have hilariously written articles in bullet form on subjects that interest me. Such as "the 5 greatest things ever accomplished while high."

Here's the link:
http://www.cracked.com/article_16532_5-greatest-things-ever-accomplished-while-high.html

nuff said.

A very merry unbirthday to Johnny Depp

Because it looks like he will be playing the Mad Hatter in a Tim Burton remake (what a surprise, Tim Burton hiring Johnny Depp?)

Here's the link:
http://www.aintitcool.com/node/37702

And here's a little extra:

Poll Results: What would you prefer your knife shoot?

Q: What would you prefer your knife shoot?

0: Compressed gas is good enough for me
0: I want my knife to shoot bullets
0: My knife shoots smaller knives which shoot smaller knives ad infinitum
2: Nothing, I wan't to stab you in the face the old fashion way

Well, apparently you are all violent...thats is without question. For me, I'd like my knife to shoot smaller knives ad infiitum. I just find the concept awesome.