Ike resistant toilet paper

After your next big category 5 hurricane blows through that porcelain kingdom you call your own, think about this new toilet paper: 3-ply! Yup, thats right. The toilet paper barons are taking a marketting note straight from the razor companies - just keep adding more of the same and profit!

Here's the link:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/odd3_ply_toilet_paper;_ylt=Ave4qfv8w.CJ5JCAsIpDares0NUE

"The company touts the toilet tissue as "ultra-soft" and says it plans to market the product to women 45 and older who view their bathroom as a "sanctuary for quality time.""

Don't worry, they have a version with ninja turtles on it to try and corner the 18-35 male demographic (TMNT really? no)

Goerge Castanza would be shocked.

Poll Results: I would go to Church if...

Well, normally I don't post results when NOBODY VOTES... but given the nature of the question it seems appropriate. And the answer? Nobody will go to church no matter what perks you offer them. Amen to that brotha!

Q: I would go to Church if...

0: The priest sold me cocaine
0: I could smoke blunts in the pews
0: They had internet and were down with WoW
0: They had beer and football

Well, I agree, I'm not going to church... unless I start the church myself for tax breaks? Guess I shoulda added one more option :P

This clock can kick your clock's ass

Even Stephen Hawking is amazed. This clock can clearly even kick his ass.

Here's the link:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/artanddesign/2008/sep/18/corpus.clock

There is a video, but apparently it doesn't like being embedded, so you'll just have to follow the link to see this badass clock in action. Don't worry, you can skip right over the words.

Edit: Here's a youtube video of the Chronophage in action, and its creator explaining it. The video in the link above is a bit clearer but they are not the same.

More girls selling virginity

Wow, its like a virginity closeout sale these days. This chick wants a million euro as opposed to the previous girl who just wants a million american. Clearly, this chick is smarter.... oh wait, probably not.

Here's the link:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/italy/2971511/Italian-model-plans-to-sell-virginity-for-1m-euros.html

"I don't know what it's like to have sex," she told the magazine, adding that if the man who bought her virginity was ugly then she would quickly get over it.
"If I don't like him I'll just have a glass of wine and forget about it," said the aspiring actress.

Hopefully economics will force the price of one's virginity down lower because even a million U.S. is too much for me.

The real shock of this article is that it's happening in another country.... and here I thought America was the only country that thought it was a reality tv show.

If it ain't murder its probably littering

This article is pretty hilarious. It involves a 60 year old japanese man, his sex doll, an autopsy and some littering laws.

Here's the link:
http://gizmodo.com/5051111/dumping-someone-is-hard-even-if-that-someone-is-a-sex-doll

Isn't making this guy step forward punishment enough? Do you really have to charge him 2000$ (or whatever the fuck they charge in Japan)

Bottle Vs Can

New studies show that plastic bottles can possible give you heart disease and diabetes... but oh wait, even newer studies show that a chemical used to line cans can also give you heart disease. So, the question remains, do you drink your soda from a bottle or a can?

Fuck it, im getting a fountain :P

Here's the links:
Bottle: http://www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/09/16/bpa.safety.ap/index.html
Can: http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2008/sep/16/health.research

Firstly, I love that this (the plastic article) most piognant example is the nalgene bottle. It's a nice big FUCK YOU to all those fuckers who think having a nalgene bottle is cool or helps the enviroment somehow. Again, FUCK YOU, nalgene bottles is just a bottle, same as any other bottle like the ones that come with the water you bought. Awesome.

Also, I love how nobody sees how just about everything causes heart disease. I think the soda in both the bottles and the cans probably invented heart disease... what the fuck is heart disease anyways?

Terrorists are n00bs

Yup. New research shows that terrorists are n00bs, and so are the anti-terrorist guys who try to stop them. This article is a fictional excersize in how terrorists might utilize online space to plan a real world attack. Basically, because MMO conversations are so hard to track, and the terminology is so bizarre (to n00bs) that they are worried terrorists could use this online space to colloborate and plan (something other than how to raid Onyxia - yah, they are playing pre-bc... n00bs).

Here's the link:
http://blog.wired.com/defense/2008/09/world-of-warcra.html

As usually, I have a number of hilarious rebuttals to present.

If these guys started playing wow, I don't think they'd be able to plan any sort of terrorist attack... they'd be too burned out from a long night of raiding, and without mountain dew to power them, they'd probably just smoke a bowl and go back to grinding an alt. WoW is that addicting. :P Besides, who are these terrorist that have sweet gaming rigs and wow accounts but prefer to kill fools in real life.

I'm surprised we haven't seen a MOD that helps you plan terrorist attacks...don't make one :P

Moreover, it would be obvious to the players what is going on. These n00bs using Everquest lingo and asking for ports to Stonetalon? i think they would be shamed into quitting by shouts of n00b, ebayer, and xroads chat (which has driven much more determined indivuals crazy).

Anyways, I think it's pretty clear that terrorists in MMOs are n00bs. The only problem? Clearly the anti-terrorist guys are even bigger n00bs. The anti terror guys would clearly all roll NE huntards and be shunned even worse.

I imagine the conversation down at the place where they monitor this kind of shit. "What the hell does 'LF1M terrorist plot' mean? LF1M must be some sort of coordinates! These bastards are always one step ahead." or even better "ROFLMAO? The MAOists are in this too? Those commie bastards!"

Anyways, terrorists boo, wow yay!

Church can be fun ... if you bring drugs

I'm not one for going to church, I can't image it being anything but boring but this priest sounds like he might know how to get his congregation going!

Here's the link:
http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/09/15/priest.drug.arrest.ap/index.html

This article fits right in with my new belief that America is just one big ass reality T.V. show.

LHC is up and running

So, as a follow up, I figured I'd make this post. As you may or may not be aware, the LHC thing is up and running, smashing protons, and attempting to destroy the world - despite reassurances from scientists everywhere.

Here's the CERN/ LHC site if you want to check it out:
http://public.web.cern.ch/Public/Welcome.html

But, even cooler, they have a couple of live webcams of the experiments up on the web. There's only two cameras at the moment but I'm sure they will add more as they ramp up.

Check it out here:
http://www.cyriak.co.uk/lhc/lhc-webcams.html

Dr. Venter I presume? (Actual science stuff inside)

Yes. Venter, not Venture, although its pretty close.

Anyways, this guys says hes found out the minimum number of genes for an organism to survive... and he wants to patent it saying that simple organisms that create hydrogen or other useful things could be worth trillions.

Here's the link:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/2007/jun/08/genetics.research

This article is all very serious but there is a splatter of hilarity in it. Counter-arguments to such experimentation of course include the unknown effects of man-made organisms running around, deadly diseases and such. But, ironically, the nay-sayers argue that time should be spent attempting to fix current problems like global warming.... wait, didn't he say he thinks these things can make cheap hydrogen? Isn't that like... something we want... to help fight global warming...?

Anyways, I say, make some organisms, and make them do awesome stuff, it's worth the risk.

Chuck STORM!

A cool name, bad peripheral vision.

Girl selling virginity...america is awesome

Needless to say, I'm starting a fund...

Edit: Looks like CNN took the video down, probably something to do with the fact that broadcasting it nationally is definately going to get her a better price... and well you can imagine how that would look.

Besides, who cares, you just wanted to see what she looks like and that part still works :P

Go ahead, throw your vote away!

Voting for Bart Simpson? It's gunna cost you. Literally. According to this article, write-ins have to be counted by hand by paid government employees. They ask to please not write in silly names, and warn you that any write in for a non-person gets thrown away.

Here's the link:
http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5giClGOKXly0nbfiiqAlgMPCGGHUgD9333J1O0

Well, thats just great. They've managed to take away the only fun aspect left in voting.

Don't blame me, I voted for Kodos.

Superstitions are awesome

Here's an article by scientists who claim that superstitions, although usually pretty rediculous, are part of evolution. The basic premise seems to be that even if your superstition is wrong 90% of the time, if that 10% of the time it saves your ass, you might as well continue to believe in it.

Here's the link:
http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn14694-superstitions-evolved-to-help-us-survive.html?DCMP=ILC-hmts&nsref=news9_head_dn14694

This isn't really new findings, this line of thought has been dealt with by philosophers except under the guise of explicit learning vs implicit knowing and they pretty much came to the same conclusion. If it works, you keep it, if it doesn't, you change it.

I do wish they went a bit deeper, I mean, what happens when you believe your superstition so strongly that it increases your confidence in a situation? Shouldn't that also help you to cope with situations?

I'm also pretty interested to know how this pertains to beirut superstitions. I mean, beirut is a matter of life and death and all, but it seems to point how just how easy it is to make up superstitions (and stick to them) - but I think that is really the point of the article.

Basically, if we keep making a ton of conclusions about everything, and eventually weed out the ones that are clearly wrong (keeping the ones that are at least slightly benefitial) we will eventually have a list of good superstitions.

The real kicker comes at the end when they equate the creations and continuation of superstitions to the scientific method, much the same as I equated it to philosophy above. Which brings me to my next point - video games are like the scientific method.

Here's the link:
http://kotaku.com/5047613/are-games-teaching-kids-the-scientific-method

I mean, it is true, and games like wow have aspects of fun and learning to them that people just don't even see (even when playing). Like the joy of downing a raid boss when it takes coordinating somewhere between 5-40 angry nerds over the internet. Or understanding complex mechanics of a fight (which you learn through scientific method not by reading wowwiki)

I think this brings me to my conclusion. Article A says Superstition = Evolution and Superstition = Science. Article B says Videos Games = Science. I say Video games = Evolution. Ta-Duh. I just made you dumber. Therefore, if you play video games, you will get smarter - now theres a superstition I want to believe.

Slovakia's women's hockey team is really good

I take it back. I think Bulgaria just sucks horribly. This is possibly the worlds worst beatdown. It begs the question, in olympic hockey, why don't they have the mercy rule? The answer, its supposed to be olympic hockey.

Here's the link:
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2008/more/09/09/bulgaria.hockey.ap/index.html?cnn=yes

82-0. I've never even seen a game come close. I didn't think a team could score that many even against an empty net. Rediculous.

Finally GPS is used for something important

Like keeping track of our beer (and the kegs it comes in).



Just remember, if you plan on stealing a keg, break off that little GPS tracking thing first (and throw it away someplace far away)