Bob Explains Reality

Death to Pennies

2011-12-02T14:34:00.001-08:00

I've been saying it for years, thanks for making a video that says it even better.

Newsflash! Kim Kardashian's butt is real

2011-06-24T09:45:00.001-07:00

Yup, science has proved what 30 different NBA players could have told you. Kim Kardashian has a nice ass

http://marquee.blogs.cnn.com/2011/06/24/kim-k-gets-x-ray-to-prove-her-butts-real/?&hpt=hp_c2

They finally caught the Joker

2011-06-01T10:31:00.001-07:00

Well, he is a joker, just not The Joker, but his car sure is sweet. Chief Wiggum is gunna get a promotion for this one.

http://www.wmbb.com/Global/story.asp?S=14743289&hpt=ju_bn4

If you want to drive the Joker's car you should be a nerd, not a criminal. If you are a criminal you should be driving the batmobile... see the logic there?

Chinese prison is better than Mexican prison

2011-05-26T13:52:00.000-07:00

In a shocking change of events, it turns out that being in prison in China is better than being in that prison in Mexico where they serve you beer. In China they make you play video games!

http://www.foxnews.com/scitech/2011/05/26/chinese-prisoners-forced-play-world-warcraft-detainee-says/

I think I'd be a model prisoner in China.

Nerd Alert

2011-05-26T09:57:00.000-07:00

I'm going to KublaCon this weekend to promote my card game Vanguard: Rome. I've never been to one of these conventions before so I don't really know what to think. Is it going to be a nerd overload? I really can't tell.

http://www.kublacon.com

http://www.friedmonkeygames.com

Buy you a beer?

2011-05-25T11:11:00.001-07:00

Prison in Mexico just got a little bit better. Apparently this low security prison has a bar inside of it! That's a new way to 'drink your life (sentence) away'

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2011/05/25/international/i102400D70.DTL&tsp=1

But really, what is the harm? I think Mexico has bigger problems then a few inmates at a low-security jail getting a little something to drink. Such as tanks.

http://www.businessinsider.com/check-out-the-newest-weapons-innovation-from-mexicos-drug-cartels-2011-5

Hire this man

2011-05-24T09:27:00.001-07:00

Awesome resume? Check. No question there is a job out there for him somewhere.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/05/23/epic-cover-letter_n_865569.html

Planking... is all the rage? Enough to die for?!

2011-05-17T10:50:00.000-07:00

Every time I start to think Americans are the dumbest people out there, something like this happens.

http://www.cnn.com/2011/WORLD/asiapcf/05/15/australia.planking.death/index.html

Yeah, that's right, not only is laying perfectly still pretending to be a plank 'all the rage' in Australia, it's also extremely dangerous? Morons...

Fried Monkey Games

2011-05-16T09:39:00.001-07:00

My new website is up and running. FriedMonkeyGames.com Check it out.

Don't cry for me!

2011-01-07T12:14:00.000-08:00

Apparently the smell of women's tears makes men less horny. Rather interesting, I wonder what the evolutionary value of this is....

http://www.npr.org/2011/01/07/132716595/smell-that-sadness-female-tears-turn-off-men

Also, new studies show, the smell of men's farts makes women angry. The war between the sexes continues.

Bob's Back

2009-03-10T13:21:00.001-07:00

After a brief (long) hiatus, I'm going to start blogging again. And to start, a link to Johnson's site:

http://www.hopeless-empty-abyss.com/

Enjoy.

Ike resistant toilet paper

2008-09-22T12:25:00.000-07:00

After your next big category 5 hurricane blows through that porcelain kingdom you call your own, think about this new toilet paper: 3-ply! Yup, thats right. The toilet paper barons are taking a marketting note straight from the razor companies - just keep adding more of the same and profit!

Here's the link:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/odd3_ply_toilet_paper;_ylt=Ave4qfv8w.CJ5JCAsIpDares0NUE

"The company touts the toilet tissue as "ultra-soft" and says it plans to market the product to women 45 and older who view their bathroom as a "sanctuary for quality time.""

Don't worry, they have a version with ninja turtles on it to try and corner the 18-35 male demographic (TMNT really? no)

Goerge Castanza would be shocked.

Poll Results: I would go to Church if...

2008-09-22T12:21:00.000-07:00

Well, normally I don't post results when NOBODY VOTES... but given the nature of the question it seems appropriate. And the answer? Nobody will go to church no matter what perks you offer them. Amen to that brotha!

Q: I would go to Church if...

0: The priest sold me cocaine
0: I could smoke blunts in the pews
0: They had internet and were down with WoW
0: They had beer and football

Well, I agree, I'm not going to church... unless I start the church myself for tax breaks? Guess I shoulda added one more option :P

This clock can kick your clock's ass

2008-09-18T12:25:00.000-07:00

Even Stephen Hawking is amazed. This clock can clearly even kick his ass.

Here's the link:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/artanddesign/2008/sep/18/corpus.clock

There is a video, but apparently it doesn't like being embedded, so you'll just have to follow the link to see this badass clock in action. Don't worry, you can skip right over the words.

Edit: Here's a youtube video of the Chronophage in action, and its creator explaining it. The video in the link above is a bit clearer but they are not the same.

More girls selling virginity

2008-09-17T12:50:00.001-07:00

Wow, its like a virginity closeout sale these days. This chick wants a million euro as opposed to the previous girl who just wants a million american. Clearly, this chick is smarter.... oh wait, probably not.

Here's the link:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/italy/2971511/Italian-model-plans-to-sell-virginity-for-1m-euros.html

"I don't know what it's like to have sex," she told the magazine, adding that if the man who bought her virginity was ugly then she would quickly get over it.
"If I don't like him I'll just have a glass of wine and forget about it," said the aspiring actress.

Hopefully economics will force the price of one's virginity down lower because even a million U.S. is too much for me.

The real shock of this article is that it's happening in another country.... and here I thought America was the only country that thought it was a reality tv show.

If it ain't murder its probably littering

2008-09-17T09:59:00.001-07:00

This article is pretty hilarious. It involves a 60 year old japanese man, his sex doll, an autopsy and some littering laws.

Here's the link:
http://gizmodo.com/5051111/dumping-someone-is-hard-even-if-that-someone-is-a-sex-doll

Isn't making this guy step forward punishment enough? Do you really have to charge him 2000$ (or whatever the fuck they charge in Japan)

Bottle Vs Can

2008-09-16T12:19:00.001-07:00

New studies show that plastic bottles can possible give you heart disease and diabetes... but oh wait, even newer studies show that a chemical used to line cans can also give you heart disease. So, the question remains, do you drink your soda from a bottle or a can?

Fuck it, im getting a fountain :P

Here's the links:
Bottle: http://www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/09/16/bpa.safety.ap/index.html
Can: http://www.guardian.co.uk/society/2008/sep/16/health.research

Firstly, I love that this (the plastic article) most piognant example is the nalgene bottle. It's a nice big FUCK YOU to all those fuckers who think having a nalgene bottle is cool or helps the enviroment somehow. Again, FUCK YOU, nalgene bottles is just a bottle, same as any other bottle like the ones that come with the water you bought. Awesome.

Also, I love how nobody sees how just about everything causes heart disease. I think the soda in both the bottles and the cans probably invented heart disease... what the fuck is heart disease anyways?

Terrorists are n00bs

2008-09-16T09:59:00.000-07:00

Yup. New research shows that terrorists are n00bs, and so are the anti-terrorist guys who try to stop them. This article is a fictional excersize in how terrorists might utilize online space to plan a real world attack. Basically, because MMO conversations are so hard to track, and the terminology is so bizarre (to n00bs) that they are worried terrorists could use this online space to colloborate and plan (something other than how to raid Onyxia - yah, they are playing pre-bc... n00bs).

Here's the link:
http://blog.wired.com/defense/2008/09/world-of-warcra.html

As usually, I have a number of hilarious rebuttals to present.

If these guys started playing wow, I don't think they'd be able to plan any sort of terrorist attack... they'd be too burned out from a long night of raiding, and without mountain dew to power them, they'd probably just smoke a bowl and go back to grinding an alt. WoW is that addicting. :P Besides, who are these terrorist that have sweet gaming rigs and wow accounts but prefer to kill fools in real life.

I'm surprised we haven't seen a MOD that helps you plan terrorist attacks...don't make one :P

Moreover, it would be obvious to the players what is going on. These n00bs using Everquest lingo and asking for ports to Stonetalon? i think they would be shamed into quitting by shouts of n00b, ebayer, and xroads chat (which has driven much more determined indivuals crazy).

Anyways, I think it's pretty clear that terrorists in MMOs are n00bs. The only problem? Clearly the anti-terrorist guys are even bigger n00bs. The anti terror guys would clearly all roll NE huntards and be shunned even worse.

I imagine the conversation down at the place where they monitor this kind of shit. "What the hell does 'LF1M terrorist plot' mean? LF1M must be some sort of coordinates! These bastards are always one step ahead." or even better "ROFLMAO? The MAOists are in this too? Those commie bastards!"

Anyways, terrorists boo, wow yay!

Church can be fun ... if you bring drugs

2008-09-15T09:25:00.000-07:00

I'm not one for going to church, I can't image it being anything but boring but this priest sounds like he might know how to get his congregation going!

Here's the link:
http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/09/15/priest.drug.arrest.ap/index.html

This article fits right in with my new belief that America is just one big ass reality T.V. show.

LHC is up and running

2008-09-12T15:33:00.000-07:00

So, as a follow up, I figured I'd make this post. As you may or may not be aware, the LHC thing is up and running, smashing protons, and attempting to destroy the world - despite reassurances from scientists everywhere.

Here's the CERN/ LHC site if you want to check it out:
http://public.web.cern.ch/Public/Welcome.html

But, even cooler, they have a couple of live webcams of the experiments up on the web. There's only two cameras at the moment but I'm sure they will add more as they ramp up.

Check it out here:
http://www.cyriak.co.uk/lhc/lhc-webcams.html

Dr. Venter I presume? (Actual science stuff inside)

2008-09-11T15:56:00.000-07:00

Yes. Venter, not Venture, although its pretty close.

Anyways, this guys says hes found out the minimum number of genes for an organism to survive... and he wants to patent it saying that simple organisms that create hydrogen or other useful things could be worth trillions.

Here's the link:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/2007/jun/08/genetics.research

This article is all very serious but there is a splatter of hilarity in it. Counter-arguments to such experimentation of course include the unknown effects of man-made organisms running around, deadly diseases and such. But, ironically, the nay-sayers argue that time should be spent attempting to fix current problems like global warming.... wait, didn't he say he thinks these things can make cheap hydrogen? Isn't that like... something we want... to help fight global warming...?

Anyways, I say, make some organisms, and make them do awesome stuff, it's worth the risk.

Chuck STORM!

2008-09-11T09:54:00.000-07:00

A cool name, bad peripheral vision.

Girl selling virginity...america is awesome

2008-09-11T09:52:00.000-07:00

Needless to say, I'm starting a fund...

Edit: Looks like CNN took the video down, probably something to do with the fact that broadcasting it nationally is definately going to get her a better price... and well you can imagine how that would look.

Besides, who cares, you just wanted to see what she looks like and that part still works :P

Go ahead, throw your vote away!

2008-09-10T17:41:00.000-07:00

Voting for Bart Simpson? It's gunna cost you. Literally. According to this article, write-ins have to be counted by hand by paid government employees. They ask to please not write in silly names, and warn you that any write in for a non-person gets thrown away.

Here's the link:
http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5giClGOKXly0nbfiiqAlgMPCGGHUgD9333J1O0

Well, thats just great. They've managed to take away the only fun aspect left in voting.

Don't blame me, I voted for Kodos.

Superstitions are awesome

2008-09-10T10:13:00.000-07:00

Here's an article by scientists who claim that superstitions, although usually pretty rediculous, are part of evolution. The basic premise seems to be that even if your superstition is wrong 90% of the time, if that 10% of the time it saves your ass, you might as well continue to believe in it.

Here's the link:
http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn14694-superstitions-evolved-to-help-us-survive.html?DCMP=ILC-hmts&nsref=news9_head_dn14694

This isn't really new findings, this line of thought has been dealt with by philosophers except under the guise of explicit learning vs implicit knowing and they pretty much came to the same conclusion. If it works, you keep it, if it doesn't, you change it.

I do wish they went a bit deeper, I mean, what happens when you believe your superstition so strongly that it increases your confidence in a situation? Shouldn't that also help you to cope with situations?

I'm also pretty interested to know how this pertains to beirut superstitions. I mean, beirut is a matter of life and death and all, but it seems to point how just how easy it is to make up superstitions (and stick to them) - but I think that is really the point of the article.

Basically, if we keep making a ton of conclusions about everything, and eventually weed out the ones that are clearly wrong (keeping the ones that are at least slightly benefitial) we will eventually have a list of good superstitions.

The real kicker comes at the end when they equate the creations and continuation of superstitions to the scientific method, much the same as I equated it to philosophy above. Which brings me to my next point - video games are like the scientific method.

Here's the link:
http://kotaku.com/5047613/are-games-teaching-kids-the-scientific-method

I mean, it is true, and games like wow have aspects of fun and learning to them that people just don't even see (even when playing). Like the joy of downing a raid boss when it takes coordinating somewhere between 5-40 angry nerds over the internet. Or understanding complex mechanics of a fight (which you learn through scientific method not by reading wowwiki)

I think this brings me to my conclusion. Article A says Superstition = Evolution and Superstition = Science. Article B says Videos Games = Science. I say Video games = Evolution. Ta-Duh. I just made you dumber. Therefore, if you play video games, you will get smarter - now theres a superstition I want to believe.

Slovakia's women's hockey team is really good

2008-09-09T14:23:00.000-07:00

I take it back. I think Bulgaria just sucks horribly. This is possibly the worlds worst beatdown. It begs the question, in olympic hockey, why don't they have the mercy rule? The answer, its supposed to be olympic hockey.

Here's the link:
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2008/more/09/09/bulgaria.hockey.ap/index.html?cnn=yes

82-0. I've never even seen a game come close. I didn't think a team could score that many even against an empty net. Rediculous.

Finally GPS is used for something important

2008-09-04T16:11:00.000-07:00

Like keeping track of our beer (and the kegs it comes in).

Just remember, if you plan on stealing a keg, break off that little GPS tracking thing first (and throw it away someplace far away)

Important advice from CNN.com

2008-08-29T09:57:00.000-07:00

And I quote: "It is best not to swat at the fly's starting position, but rather to aim a bit forward of that to anticipate where the fly is going to jump when it first sees your swatter"

This is critical. New studies show that flies are really good at not getting swatted.

Here's the link:
http://www.cnn.com/2008/TECH/science/08/29/fly.swat.threat/index.html

Must be a slow news day or something...

Up in your space station shardin ur purplz

2008-08-28T09:34:00.000-07:00

Yup. Somebody on the spacestation plays wow and brought sex leg up to the station with them. Either that or not.

Here's the link:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/digitallife/main.jhtml?xml=/connected/2008/08/27/dlvirus127.xml

Pretty hilarious either way that Nasa doesn't run a screen for this sort of thing on laptops before they get brought up to the station... I mean, these guys are bringing their personal computers up to the space station? I wouldn't be surprised if in a hidden folder, or an external hard drive, you found this guy's copy of wow.

I'm sure he would say, "I knew I wouldn't get to play it up there but I didn't want to have to re-install when I got back..." or "I just wanted to check on my auctions"

I'm too fat... again

2008-08-27T14:45:00.000-07:00

Here's sort of a follow up for the "I'm too fat to be executed article" I linked a while back. Here in the trial of a dead toddler the aunt/babysitter is trying to get off the hook because shes too fat to be able to kill the toddler, at least according to her lawyer.

Of course, they don't want to rule out that despite not being able to flair her arms she may have rolled onto him...

Here's the link:
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,411301,00.html

My favorite part: The court agreed not to jail her provided she wears a GPS tracking unit until her trial. She weighs 1000lbs, I don't think she is going anywhere

Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks your cellphone

2008-08-27T09:43:00.001-07:00

Thats right, Chuck Norris will soon have his own cell phone game. Its too hilarious not to post about. The two main villains are Fidel Castro and Kim Jong-il. Awesome.

Here's the link:
http://kotaku.com/5042261/chuck-norris-brings-the-pain-to-cell-phones

As one commentor pointed out, this is a couple of years too late for the main wave of Chuck Norris jokes, however those jokes are filtering down to the kids these days. My two cousins (10, 13) are in a Chuck joke phase right now, and it is pretty hilarious.

Edit: They found video of the game! It has no sound but it does include Chuck throwing guys at the screen (ala Turtles in Time), Chuck leaping onto the back of a moving semi with his motorcycle, and stopping a helicopter with his bare hands. Awesome.

You say tornado, I say holy shit its a tornado!

2008-08-26T13:37:00.000-07:00

Pretty sweet video of a tornado forming

In-Game personality?

2008-08-26T10:13:00.000-07:00

Here's an interesting article from Wired about how in-game this guy is a douchebag. Well, theres more to it than that. Basically, it starts to break down how in-game you are experiencing life from a different perspective and all that goodness.

Here's the link:
http://www.wired.com/gaming/gamingreviews/commentary/games/2008/08/gamesfrontiers_0825

It's two pages long, and the second page was definately more interesting. It's definately got some good WoW-job-application-joke-goodness. It also makes me wonder what type of gamer I am...well, I already know and this is where I will tell you.

Firstly, in racing games I am much like him. I don't want realism, if I did I would drive a car (and have a license to do it). I much prefer arcade style crash and slam racing.

What about FPS? I don't want non-realism, but I don't really care about story. I don't like a game where I have to spend the whole time trying to find where to go and where to kill more baddies. That sort of difficulty is not interesting to me. I like difficulty like rooms full of chainsaw wielding dinosaurs from outerspace that will kill you 50 times in a row.

MMOs? Although I definately like a soloable class similar to the writer of said article, I do enjoy adventuring with my friends. I definately find myself more along the explorer stereotype than socializer, fighter or i forget what the fourth one was. I definately am not a douchebag in-game though, I got that out of my system when I was younger and MMO's allowed you to be a douchebag on a grandeur scale (chest stealing and scamming ftw)

Sandbox games like GTA tho, I find myself as pretty much aimlessly wandering. I am not very compelled by missions but I do enjoy just existing in a world with no consequences.

I leave it up to you to decide what all this means about my personality, etc.

The Christian church is full of contradiction...

2008-08-25T16:19:00.000-07:00

Tell me something I didn't already know... although I'm not a Christian so it is easy for me to accept things that would be much harder for a Christian to accept. With that said, if the information presented in the article is true then it would be nearly impossible for Christians to denounce gay marriage anymore (I say nearly because I know they will continue to cover their ears and close their eyes).

Here's the link:
http://www.colfaxrecord.com/detail/91429.html

Basically, there are well documented instances of gay and lesbian Christian marriages way back in the day, and even two gay saints. I really look forward to hearing the church talk its way out this one.

Hey man, I think it's gross too (well, some lesbians are hot) but that doesn't mean they shouldn't have the same rights as everyone else and if these rights were recognized over a thousand years ago there is no reason they should not be recognized now.

Poll Results: If my turd ran amok it would...

2008-08-21T09:43:00.000-07:00

1: Smash through Tokyo battling Mothra
0: Clog the shit out of my toilet
0: Destroy any and all giant turd exhibits in Switzerland
0: Go and hump a fake dog turd factory

Well, personally I would love it if my turds ran amok in tokyo but mostly they just clog the toilet.

This poll was inspired by the previous post:
http://bobexplainsreality.blogspot.com/2008/08/complex-shit-giant-turd-runs-amok-in.html

FFXI sucks for 18 hours straight

2008-08-20T15:41:00.001-07:00

Well, technically it's been sucking since it came out, but this article explains how a raid group fought a boss for 18 hours and were unable to defeat it.

Here's the link:
http://videogames.yahoo.com/feature/new-game-enemy-takes-a-solid-day-to-defeat/1238418

Pretty stupid, and anybody that has played both WoW and FFXI knows that FFXI can't hold a candle to wow. FFXI is a huge grind, with severe penalties, a horrible UI and retarded players (although WoW has retarded players too).

I mean, ask yourself, what kind of shitty boss will fight with a raid group for 18 hours not die but also not kill any of them? One in FFXI thats how. We've definately spent a lot of time fighting a boss, but usually over and over getting our asses kicked while learning how the encounter goes.

Anyways, don't play FFXI

Grandma pwns theif

2008-08-19T12:47:00.000-07:00

Here's one I got from Fark. If you don't read Fark, or missed it, its hilarious. A theif breaks into an elderly woman's house but she manages to get the jump on him with her gun and then makes him call 911 on himself.

Here's the link:
http://www.wpxi.com/news/17223812/detail.html

As fark said, this is some epic pwnage. I think the lesson is don't underestimate my grandma, punk!

Whoever said guns weren't funny has just been proven completely wrong.

Beirut: It's my job to get drunk

2008-08-18T10:35:00.000-07:00

These guys aren't very good speakers and do a pretty horrible job of justifying Beirut (although they hit the main points)... but it sure sounds like they are pretty good at Beirut. However, what makes it noteworthy is that its on Time.com

Here's the link:
http://link.brightcove.com/services/link/bcpid1485842900/bctid1717896427

Although I guess Time.com won't let me embed the video, so you'll just have to click.

Complex Shit: Giant turd runs amok in museum

2008-08-13T12:23:00.000-07:00

Sorry, the actual title of the article is "Giant dog turd wreaks havock in Swiss museum"... it was good enough but I didn't want to steal their turd-thunder. And the name of the exhibit? Complex Shit. LOL

Anyways, it's true. A museum exhibit of a giant inflatible turd (which is already hilarious) got caught in some wind (despite an automatic safety deflate system) and managed to smash into someones house. Somebody's turd is always on the wind :P

Here's the link:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2008/aug/12/3

There is no picture in that link, but you can see on here:
http://www.paulkleezentrum.ch/ww/en/pub/web_root/pro/wechselausstellungen/der_vorgarten.cfm

This whole things stinks of stupidity... what the hell passes for a museum exhibit these days? I mean, I pee'd in the snow one time, can I put it on display?

I just imagine the insurance call... "Yah, hi, we're in some deep shit here (giggle)... a giant turd just smashed into my house."

Wiggum: "Yah right lady, an elephant just ran through my yard. Yah right, armed robbery in progress, officer down. Can't people take the law into their own hands in this town?"

I laugh while you crap your pants (and then I laugh harder)

2008-08-12T10:07:00.000-07:00

This article is about a gene that scientists believe is related to how well you control your emotions, and thus whether you are one of those scary movie people or what.

Here's the link:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2535221/Horror-film-gene-that-makes-some-scream-while-others-laugh.html

People who have 2 copies of the gene as opposed to 1 are more likely to be scared easily. Apparently since we suck at fighting (compared to our ape ancestors, although i'd kick their ass at soul calibur) so this evolved to convince us to run away and hide until all our buddies showed up to stomp some fool (im talking about historically, not last week, son).

But, more importantly, you fools are NEVER aloud to tell me to stop laughing at stupid scenes in horror movies EVER again because it will be discrimination. I can't help it, its in my genes. Also in my genes is the desire to throw popcorn at you. With extra butter.

The biggest pimp in Africa!

2008-08-11T15:41:00.001-07:00

This man has 86 wifes. Nuff said. In fact, even his wives believe in his pimpness. And I quote "When you marry a man with 86 wives you know he knows how to look after them "

Here's the link:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/africa/7547148.stm

He is such the man that these women come looking for him asking to marry into his troop which consists of 86 wives and at least 170 children. In america he'd probably be on trial for bigamy. In soviet russia bigamy is awesome.

I don't know what else to say except "nice hat, dude"

New Zealand is full of morons

2008-08-08T10:46:00.001-07:00

I know this is a little behind the times, but there were other better articles to talk about. Anyways, here's the one about the New Zealanders who tried to name their kid "Talula does the Hula" - I mean, are you fucking retarded? Why can't you just name her Talula and attempt to instill a strong passion for the Hula in her.

I just don't get some people, growing up is hard enough, don't ruin your kid's chance at normality just because she's already smarter than you the day she came out of the womb.

Here's the link:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25827708/?GT1=43001

Personally, I would have loved if this judge had been one of those new age crazy punishment judges who said, "Ok, you can name your child Talula does the Hula if you legally change your name to 'Bitch with jock itch' and your husband changed his name to 'Enis with small penis' (or 'Rick with a small dick')" Then I would imagine these people would think twice about ruining their kid's life.

In fact, this type of punishment/requirement should be retroactively imposed on the people who were not stopped from naming their kids retarded things, and I quote:

"Registration officials blocked some names, including Fish and Chips, Yeah Detroit, Keenan Got Lucy and Sex Fruit, he said. But others were allowed, including Number 16 Bus Shelter "and tragically, Violence," he said."

What pedophile name's their infant Sex Fruit? And why haven't they been shot.

LHC Cern thing

2008-08-07T11:18:00.000-07:00

Here's something thats been on my radar for a while, a giant hadron collider (whatever that means). It cropped up because it has the theoretical possibility of creating small black holes, and also other crazy things I don't quite understand. Somebody suggested it my start a Half-Life game in real life situation, as I think thats what originally happened in black mesa, I dont know, I don't pay that close attention to game storylines :P

Here's the main site:
http://public.web.cern.ch/Public/Welcome.html

And here's a PopularMechanic's article about how it's not going to kill us all.
http://www.popularmechanics.com/science/extreme_machines/4276847.html

As you might notice, they are firing this thing up on September 10th... thats better than waiting til Dec 21 2012, right? But, so if the world ends on september 11th, you'll know who it was this time... unless we are all dead from the test run.

Also, if you want to find out a bit more about what the thing does, here's a hilariously lame video the scientists made... yes it is a rap about science... awesome :P

I figured it's better to destroy the world in the name of science than in the name of war, but thats just me.

I'm too fat to die!

2008-08-05T09:50:00.000-07:00

To fat to be executed? What a joke. This article is about a death row inmate who claims he's too fat to be killed because they won't be able to find his veins and he may end up dying an "excrutiating death." Well, my philosophy in this situation would be to go to the victims. The two women he raped back in '86 should get to choose how he dies, I mean, he got to choose how they'd be screwed up the rest of their lives.

Here's the link:
http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/08/04/death.penalty.fat.ap/index.html

And I'm too lazy to go to work, but that doesn't stop the bills from coming in. I have such a hard time with stories like this, just take him out back and put a bullet in him, he's a death row inmate, I don't see why we are concerned at all. I mean, whats the worse that could happen, he might die?

Edit: I'm also too lazy to wipe my ass, thus:
http://gizmodo.com/5033207/pedal+powered-toilet+paper+wiper-brings-both-laziness-and-exercise-to-the-bathroom

Cracked does it again

2008-08-04T10:17:00.000-07:00

I'm really becoming a big fan of cracked. They have hilariously written articles in bullet form on subjects that interest me. Such as "the 5 greatest things ever accomplished while high."

Here's the link:
http://www.cracked.com/article_16532_5-greatest-things-ever-accomplished-while-high.html

nuff said.

A very merry unbirthday to Johnny Depp

2008-08-01T16:16:00.000-07:00

Because it looks like he will be playing the Mad Hatter in a Tim Burton remake (what a surprise, Tim Burton hiring Johnny Depp?)

Here's the link:
http://www.aintitcool.com/node/37702

And here's a little extra:

Poll Results: What would you prefer your knife shoot?

2008-08-01T10:14:00.000-07:00

Q: What would you prefer your knife shoot?

0: Compressed gas is good enough for me
0: I want my knife to shoot bullets
0: My knife shoots smaller knives which shoot smaller knives ad infinitum
2: Nothing, I wan't to stab you in the face the old fashion way

Well, apparently you are all violent...thats is without question. For me, I'd like my knife to shoot smaller knives ad infiitum. I just find the concept awesome.

Personal Use of Marijuana by Responsible Adults Act of 2008

2008-07-30T10:17:00.000-07:00

This article on CNN is about house resolution 5843 which would allow responisble adults to carry up to 3 ounces without facing the possibility of being arrested. this is, of course, great news. but it gets better. it would allow non-profit transfers of up to 1 ounce.

Here's the link:
http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/07/30/frank.marijuana/index.html

Sponsored by democrat Barney Frank and cosponsored by the man himself republican Ron Paul. If you havent heard of Ron Paul before, he is awesome and republican (apparently they are not contradictory).

Don't bother seeing the new X-files...

2008-07-29T11:23:00.000-07:00

not only because X-files sucks, but also because we are clearly not alone. This article is about an astronaut who says he definately believes in Aliens and that we've definately encountered UFO's and that the government is covering it up.

Here's the link:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/science/2008/jul/26/spaceexploration

Well, i think when people that have actually walked on the moon start telling us that aliens exist we should believe them (or at least be careful walking on the moon in the future since maybe it makes you crazy).

Who knows, maybe it is an x-files advertising stunt... :P

Old tech (and layers of phone books)

2008-07-28T10:58:00.000-07:00

Here's a great article by Cracked. Its already hilariously written so there is no reason for me to add much to it. Its about 6 old technologies that we just can't seem to let go of.

Here's the link:
http://www.cracked.com/article_16518_tech-zombies-6-technologies-that-dont-know-theyre-dead.html

It's actually pretty interesting the phenomonon of phone books. According to that guy they quote from Harvard, because everybody immediately throws their phone books away at the same time (i.e. the day after they get them) there are layers of phone books in land fills. Pretty interesting.

Gun shoots gas

2008-07-24T10:29:00.001-07:00

Hi, hello there, mind if I stab you and then shoot compressed gas into causing you to explode? Well, it doesn't matter, i'm gunna do it anyways. This wasp knife is a pretty cool idea, and although using it on watermelons is not its primary function, the video is still kinda cool.

Here's the link:
http://gizmodo.com/5027010/wasp-knife-will-freeze-and-blow-up-your-organs

Of course, it makes me wonder, if you are going to make a knife shoot stuff, wouldn't you be better off just making it shoot bullets? Thus the inspiration for the new poll :P

Poll Results: Killing for consoles

2008-07-24T10:25:00.000-07:00

What console is most worth killing people?

0: Play(with guns)station 3
1: X(marks the spot to kill you)box 360
1: Wii Will Kill Your whole family
0: None of the above (but other consoles are definately worth killing people)

Well, I'm surprised noone voted for None of the above etc. but, to break the tie, I'll put in my vote for Wii Will Kill Your whole family not only because it is an awesome console but because I will kill your whole family.

And in other news, McD's makes coffee

2008-07-23T10:43:00.000-07:00

Fox News (and others) have agreed to product placement during news broadcasts. The head of the studio says it wouldn't be done in a straight news broadcast like the 5 or 10 pm news but other shit like the 10am morning show has two fake MacDonalds (i call it MacD's) cups of coffee sitting on the desk as if they newscasters drink them (but they actually dont because the cups have fake poisonous ice cubes so they dont melt but look good the whole time - just like in real life macdonalds food/drinks).

Here's the link:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2008/jul/22/usa.mediabusiness

Pretty funny because he claims that this ad won't affect the integrity of the news. He claims that any negative mcdonalds stories would still be reported, and if such occured, they would remove the cups from the desk just as they do with other advertisement in the case of a newstory

Just like in this video:
http://failblog.org/2008/07/23/hotel-fail/

Too hilarious...

Invisible hammocks?

2008-07-22T13:35:00.000-07:00

If you ever wanted an invisible hammock, or to hoist yourself to space on a thread so small you can't see it, well you just might get the chance.

Here's the link:
http://gizmodo.com/5027238/invisible-near+weightless-nanotubes-could-support-humans-buildings-space-elevators

The gizmodo article says it all, but this is pretty sweet. I want to see this kind of thread being used for everything from hammocks to trip wires. There has got to be a downside to this thing?

Scorpio: Oh, those can be found on third... come to think of it, they are all in the same complex... the hammock complex, down on third.

Homer: Ohh right, in the hammock district!

George W. Bush Sewage Plant

2008-07-18T11:23:00.000-07:00

This is great news for George Bush, and horrible news for all sewage plants. San Francisco, in its infinite wisdom, has included a measure on november's ballot to rename a local sewage treatment plant after our oh-so-horrible president.

Here's the link:
http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/07/17/presidential.putdown.ap/index.html

They say it will commemorate what a mess of things G.W. has made...

Beirut on Wii

2008-07-17T11:47:00.000-07:00

I am definately stoked that Beirut is becoming as popular as it is. Here's a guy who actually made beirut for the Wii (unluck us who just talked about doing it).

Here's the link:
http://www.ksfy.com/news/local/24103549.html

Pretty sweet, but if it doesn't come with a six pack, I don't know if its worth it. Now, they are concerned that this is a drinking game being made availible for kids to learn and play - thats true, but its not like they arent already exposed to drinking and beirut.

I've personally played in a game of beirut me and my buddy vs his dad and little brother (10!). Now, of course, we didnt make him drink beer and dad was present which means he has given consent, but still I was a little worried.

I guess it coulda been worse, we coulda taught him how to do a keg stand... :P

To the creators of this game I pose the following (hilarious) questions:
Where is the button to pull your balls out on the table in a last ditch effort at defense?
What wii gesture do I have to make to become belligerant and knock all the beers off the table?

BloodStation 3 vs DeathBox360 vs WiiWillKillYou

2008-07-16T11:11:00.001-07:00

Hard to believe but the playstation does not only promote fake violence... but real violence as well.

Here's the link:
http://www.gamepolitics.com/2008/07/11/report-rare-metal-fueled-african-quotplaystation-warquot

Apparently playstation requires a rare metal from Africa, which as we all know will fight amongst themselves over pretty much anything. Just think, if you buy a playstation you are killing african babies... who knows maybe that is a positive thing to some of you sick fucks out there, but to me its just one more reason to tell playstation FUCK YOU.

Don't worry, Leo DiCap will be making a movie soon... Blood Station (its a spoof on Blood Diamond you morons!)

Web Comic - Wishes

2008-07-14T14:44:00.000-07:00

I'm really enjoying this Pixton site... if you have not checked it out, you should. It has a slight learning curve, but it is a lot of fun.

Here's my latest comic, entitled: Wishes...
http://www.pixton.com/comic/uihc4awe

Enjoy!

Poll Results: Voting

2008-07-14T11:02:00.000-07:00

Q: What would get you off your ass and to the voting booth?

1: Impeaching Bush
0: Legalizing weed
0: Selecting a new treasurer
1: Voting over the internet

Well, as you know, voting over the internet wouldn't really get you off your ass, but at least it would get us voting. I am surprised nobody voted to legalize weed. Oh well, I'd toss my vote to all 3 (Impeach, Weed and Internet)

Web Comic - BobExplainsReality: Waiting...

2008-07-10T12:12:00.001-07:00

Here's my first attempt at a web comic. Let me know what you think.

Pixton - BobExplainsReality: Waiting...

I got the idea for this comic while I was waiting for the work day to end...

P.S. Having so much fun, I added another:

Pixton - BobExplainsReality: Grammar...

Human rights... for Apes?

2008-07-09T16:57:00.001-07:00

Funny, because by defination I would have thought that human rights could only apply to humans... :P

Anyways, apparently Spain has extended human rights to apes to prevent experimentation. This was promoted by the philosopher Peter Singer (who's worth reading) by arguing that apes, aside from being very similar to us in terms of genetics, also display the same emotions such as love, anxiety, fear, and even jealously and therefore should be protected by the same laws. Good point...

Here's the link:
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2008/jun/26/humanrights.animalwelfare?gusrc=rss&feed=networkfront

Now, it is still legal to keep the apes in zoo's, and hopefully they will start putting some of our crazy's in there with them. Some of these apes are better behaved than people. Take for example this next article. Although he has bitten the fingers off a few people (he thought the red nails were candy) this ape is toilet trained and lives in a house with people who treat him as their child... thats better than the average homeless guy.

Here's the link:
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25470323/

Of course, this ape is not in Spain, he's in California which means that he is not protected by these laws - im not sure the USA's stance on ape rights...but if you see him, just throw some change at him and pretend he is a homeless guy... he probably smells just as bad.

And in closing, I quote:

Q: Mr. Simpson, how do you feel about the safety of space travel?
H: It should be fine, as long as they don't send us to that horrible planet of the apes... wait a minute.. statue of liberty... that was our planet! You maniacs! You blew it up! Damn you!

P.S. Here's a quote from me to my buddy about when we got a monkey at the zoo so pissed off he threw his own feces at us and the zookeeper kicked us out:
"If there's two things that monkeys understand it's laughing and pointing... and we were doing both... at him"

Nutating...engine?

2008-07-08T11:16:00.000-07:00

Forgive the title, but the title of the original Wired article already stole my proposed title. This is a pretty cool blurb about the possible future of engines. Instead of pistons we can use bent disks! Sounds crazy, and apparently they will work with any fuel source.

Here's the link:
http://blog.wired.com/cars/2008/06/pistons-we-dont.html

Whenever I hear about this kind of technology I always say, "GREAT! Now, when can I buy it?" and then I feel like I never hear from them again. Hopefully this won't be the case with this tech.

Boys vs. Girls

2008-07-07T11:15:00.000-07:00

Well, we all know who's going to win :P ... but, anyway, in Age of Conan (a video game) male characters do slightly more damage because of a small animation bug that makes female characters swing their weapons a bit slower... the animations shouldnt be directly tied to the weapon speed anyways, but oh well.

Here's the link:
http://blog.wired.com/games/2008/07/three-to-four-w.html

Of course, while this may be benefitial to male characters, aside from being more realistic, it also balances out the fact that, as we all know, female characters in these games can get free gold just for stripping and dancing...just like in real life.

You can't score goals if you don't shoot on net...might as well hit the joint.

2008-07-03T10:09:00.001-07:00

No, this isn't about the greatest topic in the world: hockey. It's about the second greatest: weed. This article is by the LAist (who? I don't know) and how there is an attempt to get a marijuana legalization act on our november ballot. Awesome, I know.

Here's the link:
http://laist.com/2008/06/30/california_to_legalize_weed_for_eve_1.php

Of course, many of my friends claim "there's now way that will pass" or "it's contrary to fed law, it'll get shot down" but I say, "you can't score goals if you don't shoot on net" ... "you can't win if you don't try"

And shit, something like this might actually convince me to get my stoned ass out of the house and vote in november... that makes me think that maybe if there were issues people cared about on the ballot we'd have better turnout...you mean voting for treasurer doesn't get you going?

Poll Results: Punctuation

2008-07-03T08:16:00.000-07:00

In your writing which do you prefer?

0: Parenthesis (they are cool)
0: Exclamation marks!!!11one!1!
1: ... I prefer to use elipsis... if you know what I mean...
1: punctuation is for suckers

Well, since it's tied 1v1, I'll vote... and I definately prefer elipsis... :)

X-Men 4: The case of the missing airplane

2008-07-02T11:11:00.000-07:00

Here's a list of 'real life superheroes' - I don't know if I would go that far but some of them are pretty awesome/hilarious. I really think number one should be the guy that ate a whole airplane to be in the guiness world record books... as they pointed out, his super power wasn't eating metal... it was shitting it out.

Here's the link:
http://www.cracked.com/article_16449_7-people-from-around-world-with-real-mutant-superpowers.html

The article is written in a rather hilarious fashion (thanks cracked!) and I don't really need to say more than 'read it'.

Worlds greatest athlete

2008-07-01T11:38:00.001-07:00

An interesting attempt to determine the worlds best athlete, and actually, I agree with most of their reasoning behind their picks. The #1 guy definately deserves it, he can jump over a two lane highway or over Shaq's head. Thats nuts.

Here's the link:
1=39002">1=39002">http://msn.foxsports.com/other/story/8269306?MSNHPHCP>1=39002

Make sure to actually look at the top 10 which is embedded in the article.

Oh, and an added bonus; baseball comes in last "because America's pasttime has too much standing around" - I never thought Fox would get it so right!

Gone in 90 seconds...

2008-06-27T11:39:00.000-07:00

No, it's not the sequel to a silly movie with Nick Cage and Angelina. It's even better (and by better I mean, funnier and more realistic!)

Here's the link:
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/06/24/BAT011EBEP.DTL&tsp=1

Basically, to see if crime was still a problem, cops left a laptop bag in the backseat of a car and started filming. Turns out crime is still a problem in SF... and worse than we thought. It only took 90 seconds for someone to break into the car... if only he can be convicted this quickly.

Apparently there are no earthquakes in Dubai...

2008-06-26T11:32:00.000-07:00

Because I seriously doubt that this building is MORE structurally sound than its non-rotating cousins, but it sure is AWESOME. A scyscraper that can rotate... each floor can rotate seperately...

Here's the link:
http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/meast/06/25/duibai.tower/index.html#cnnSTCText

Which way would you like to face this evening? Go to sleep watching the sunset, rise to the sunrise. Moon the whole city 360 degrees without even taking a step. Man Dubai is cutting edge...

Lego Madness!

2008-06-25T09:46:00.000-07:00

Thats right, this article is about the place where they keep EVERY SINGLE LEGO SET EVER MADE! Hard to believe, but this is really cool.

Here's the link:
http://gizmodo.com/5018990/lego-secret-vault-contains-all-sets-in-history

The article is pretty cool, but if you do nothing else, at least watch the video, you may see some sets you recognize from your youth.

Pwnasaurus Rex!

2008-06-24T10:36:00.000-07:00

I'm not exactly a Rob Zombie fan or anything, but the poster for this movie is too hilarious not to be posted

Here's the link on Ain't it Cool:
http://www.aintitcoolnews.com/node/37191

Check it out, trust me on this.

American religion is confuzzled?

2008-06-23T15:31:00.000-07:00

No shit Americans are confused about religion and the specific beliefs within these religions. However, this article/survey breaks it down in-depth with some suprising and hilarious facts.

Here's the link:
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2008/06/23/BATE11AKBJ.DTL

Here's a few highlights, with one fake of my own creation - see if u can guess:

"21 percent of self-defined atheists believe in God."

"Some believe the survey's findings illuminate superficiality in American faith practice."

"40 percent of Americans follow other's blindly."

"Many believers may know little about the true practices of their own faith, much less others."

Can you guess? Read the article, there are some other crazy contradictions in the faith of Americans. But, at least, as the article points out, some of that is at least positive - such as the fact that Americans believe in a wide array of religious practices, even if they mix and match to their own preference.

Where we're going we don't need roads... only garbage

2008-06-20T16:18:00.000-07:00

This is pretty cool and I really hope that they can improve upon it and use the technology for greater good.

Think back to the future meets Iraq:
http://news.cnet.com/8301-11128_3-9972359-54.html?part=rss&subj=GreenTech

Maybe they can create a toilet that powers your fridge :P

Three whole weeks with only wine?!

2008-06-19T10:58:00.000-07:00

Thats right, Americans may lose their legacy: Budweiser. (yah yah, we're drunks)

Here's the link:
http://blogs.moneycentral.msn.com/topstocks/archive/2008/06/16/will-budweiser-become-belgian.aspx

Thats right, we'll all have to drink extra Bud in the meantime to convince them not to sell - I'm doing my part, are you?!

But, on the plus side, as long as Coors doesn't go anywhere noone will be forced to drink Miller (which we all know is made out of the left over beer in the bottom of my beirut cups).

I'm worried about the beer supply. After this case, and the other case, there's only one case left!

30 year high... damn thats some good shit

2008-06-18T13:53:00.000-07:00

Who said you had to ever come down...

Here's the link :
http://www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/06/12/pot.potency.ap/index.html

Sorry Dad, your shit just ain't as good as mine, oh, and I don't get jailtime for mine either. Thanks for setting this up for me.

Yah, thats right, in the past there has been some serious time dealt out for some seriously shitty grass. Hard to believe...

Video game console racism

2008-06-17T12:13:00.001-07:00

Well, not really, but a pretty random stat: basically, something like 90% of the video consoles that have been successful have been colored white.

Here's the link:
http://www.gamesradar.com/f/white-consoles-always-win/a-2008061210184383105

Pretty funny when you view the different colored nintendo 64's from the viewpoint of this article.. as if they were trying to find a color that could beat playstation :P Considering this, what the hell are those customizable faceplates to symbolize? Tatoos? Plastic surgery?

I'M Talkathon

2008-06-16T14:29:00.000-07:00

I feel compelled to link this since I worked on the campaign....

http://www.thetalkathon.com/

Thats it... I'll let you make your own judgments

Porn addict? Seek help. Wow addict? NERD!!

2008-06-13T09:20:00.000-07:00

Anyone who has experienced the addictiveness of WoW (and other MMOs) can attest to how compelling these games are... I know I can. I coulda swore I was talkin about something pretty similar a while back, but anyways this is the official version of a random philosophical insight --

http://www.wowinsider.com/2008/06/10/wow-player-more-ashamed-than-porn-addict/

but basically, what are you more ashamed of? Being a nerd or jerkin off too much? Unfortunately I think these two go hand in...err together.

Fortunately, browsing WoW forums at work won't get you fired... I hope :)

Addendum: Pretty funny, I was talking about this article with a buddy of mine from my hockey team without knowing that he even played WoW and he chimed in with "I'm even ashamed to mention it now!" - my response? "Don't worry, you are amongst friends.... you play horde or alliance?"

Yahoo! email errors

2008-06-10T16:57:00.000-07:00

This shit is very annoying. I find it hard to believe that they have let these issues linger on their site for so long... it is definately driving ME away... And although I didn't pay, I didn't pay for my gmail account and it works fine... its all about traffic and ad revenue anyways (thansk new job!).

If it's not the popup error its rediculously long loading times which, thankfully, allow me to utilize oldschool Yahoo! email (which I prefered anyways!)

My point is, Yahoo!, you are blowing it, fix your damn email login site or slip even further behind Google.

Man dents car while crossing the road

2008-06-05T15:14:00.000-07:00

Some people are up in arms about the fact that nobody stopped to help this poor man who got hit by a car. Well not me!

Heres the link on CNN: http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/06/05/ignored.hitrun.ap/index.html

I've only seen one person get hit by a car in real life and let me tell you, I reacted pretty much the same way. Late at night on Van Ness and Market in SF and a woman got him crossing the street against the light by a guy in car who didn't have his headlights on - who's at fault, I don't know nor is it the point. But those of us nearby ran over there, flipping out our cell phones, and instructing the woman not to try and move. I even hailed a passing bus (which I needed to get on) and the driver called it in as well.

But did anyone really DO ANYTHING to help her? Hell no - we live in a world full of smelly homeless, killer diseases spread by blood and other fluids, and superflous (sp?) lawsuits! Unless it is someone near and dear to me, calling it in and preventing more traffic from hitting her was all that my 'moral compass' required of me. Am I to contract some disease (and condemn myself) on the chance that I might save someone who didn't even both to look both ways before crossing? And what if they later determine that the sparse first aid I did give was in someway harmful, I don't want to be involved in some frivolous lawsuit.

Hey, too bad the guy got hurt - try looking out when you cross the road. And CNN and Rev. Henry Brown and the police chief, 4 calls within 1 minute of the accident? Thats more response than would have been recieved 20 years ago prior to when our moral compass was so screwed up by our society.

Addendum: Here's a much better car accident video!
http://www.snopes.com/photos/accident/pedestrian.asp